Friday, January 23, 2015
Daughter of the Most High God
This is a poem the Lord has instructed me to share with His daughters:
Written by Kit Valdez
Daughter of the Most High God
Know that I love you
Daughter of the King of kings
Know that you are forgiven
Daughter of the One True God
Know that you are wonderfully made
My plans for you are not for harm
I chose you before the beginning of time
You can not lose my love
I will never leave you or forsake you
Rest in Me
Wait on Me
I am the One True God!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Humming Bird or Vulture?
A few weeks ago I heard a sermon regarding our mind and thoughts. The pastor made a brief comment regarding the difference between between a Hummingbird and a Vulture, this was a topic I needed to address in more detail.
A Hummingbird is so attractive that people deliberately buy sweet food that will attract these beautiful little birds for their viewing pleasure. The smell of sweetness will attract these birds. All day they rely on sweetness for survival. The constant meals of sweetness through the day sustain him through the night.
Then we have the Vulture. Such a large frightening bird to see. The moment you spot a vulture, you immediately know that death is near by. There is an eeriness at the sight of a vulture. Generally when you see one vulture, you will see others. The idea that they smell death, sense death, and are fed by it is disturbing. I know vultures were created for this purpose, however it is still a disturbing concept to me.
So I take this concept to what we are filling ourselves with. What thoughts are we eating? What attracts us? What are we consuming into our spirit and soul? Is it sweetness or death?
The promises of God are filled with great sweetness. "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Psalm 119:103). "Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart..."(Jeremiah 15:16)
What are you eating? What are you attracted to? What gets your attention? Is it God's truth? God's promises? Are you nourishing your soul & spirit with hope, joy, & love? Are you feeding on expectations of sweet life?
Or are you surviving on death? Corpses? Things that have a stench? Bitterness? Unforgiveness? Hopelessness? The resemblance of life that only leads to death?
The message version of Romans 6:22-23 says "But now that you’ve found you don’t have to listen to sin tell you what to do, and have discovered the delight of listening to God telling you, what a surprise! A whole, healed, put-together life right now, with more and more of life on the way! Work hard for sin your whole life and your pension is death. But God’s gift is real life, eternal life, delivered by Jesus, our Master."
So what choice do you make, Hummingbird or Vulture? Sweet Life or death? "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live..." (Deuteronomy 30:19)
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Reflection of Truth
I know i am loved
I know i am the beloved
I am the apple of your eye
You died so my sins may be forgiven
You were tortured so i may be healed
Defender of injustice
Redeemer of all that's been stolen
Restorer of all lost
Healer of all brokeness
Shalom!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Wandering Through the Dessert
As it seems the road less traveled seems to be a lonely one …… that’s why it’s less traveled. So what does it say that as I watched the 10 commandments I was relating to Moses and his agony and pain as he lead the Israelites to freedom to the promised land. I will be honest I continuously keep learning about referenced aspects of the really long journey yet I have never read the full biblical story only a chapter here and there.
First lesson I learned (with a huge impact I must add), was that the promised land was only an 11 day journey that due to disobedience and backsliding in faith became the 40 year journey. This has been a great visual to me that reminds me to just dig in and minimize the length of time we are stuck in the dessert being tested in our faith and continuing to live life based on our own understanding. Faith does not make sense to the human mind, in fact quite often acts of faith seem to be quite irresponsible to the human mind and understanding.
This brings me to another visual. During this journey in the dessert God provided bread daily and required that they trust Him day by day for their food and to resist the human tendency to save for the following days in case there was not enough food in the future. What an amazing visual of faith…..a lesson on learning to resist your human understanding and just trust God blindly without knowing what will be the outcome of the situation. Every human can understand this need to responsibility to KNOW that you will have what you need tomorrow. But these are the same people that were honored enough to pass through the Sea on dry land all at the hand of God. This food they struggled to believe would be there the next day would miraculously appear in the first place yet they still struggled to believe God was going to take care of them when they felt hungry, thirsty, cold and scared.
I have come to realize during the challenging seasons of my life that without being allowed to feel scared, uncertain, confused and lonely – how would I be able to measure the greatness of God’s power and mercy. As I mentioned earlier I was able to relate to Moses to the point of tears since he gave voice to my own prayers and struggles with the difficulties of the journey of faith. I’ve had to ask myself why was it was that I related to Moses rather than the others worried about their safety, food and drink – those are very valid concerns for any person.
It is very interesting the way God speaks to us. Ever since I learned about the 11 day journey becoming a 40 year one due to disobedience and lack of faith, I continue to run in to references over and over about Moses and this journey. As I have been determined to just stay in prayer and learn and listen, I have learned many different aspects that are applicable to my daily life.
As I watched the 10 commandments on TV I could feel Moses’ pain & related to this amazing call from God. The opportunity to be part of something so much bigger than himself because He loved God so much that he whole heartedly desired to be obedient – that’s a rather uncommon thing. But due to this connection to Moses that I have had I have also had great revelation also. God has used him as an example of the need as a leader to be lead by faith and not by emotions. He has also been an example of the need to have sufficient faith for all those you lead in ministry so that the walk of faith may be demonstrated with peace even when things go downhill. I’ve learned if God said “tell the rock to give you water” I will tell it rather than hit it for water – or in my case not pay $50 less on my almost paid off van “just in case” the other budget items are overspent.
So overall I would say I have continuously been learning how to be a leader of ministry through the life of Moses…..and as I said I have not even read his story yet. I have learned that I have the ability to shorten my journey in the dessert by trusting God when things are scary & uncomfortable. I have learned that when you know more about God, He will expect more of you (especially faith) and when He leads you to something, do exactly what He says not what you are comfortable with.
So as I began this entry, it was merely for a release of the loneliness during my journey of faith, however by the end of this I have realized how much I can trust God and call my blessings as I see them. I am an ever changing person seeking God’s truth with great passion, I am not alone after all – it just so happens that because my faith has grown, so must my trust in the quiet moments that I journey alone with God …..only with God – it’s against my human understanding, but it’s a great & freeing revelation.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. " Proverbs 3:5-8
First lesson I learned (with a huge impact I must add), was that the promised land was only an 11 day journey that due to disobedience and backsliding in faith became the 40 year journey. This has been a great visual to me that reminds me to just dig in and minimize the length of time we are stuck in the dessert being tested in our faith and continuing to live life based on our own understanding. Faith does not make sense to the human mind, in fact quite often acts of faith seem to be quite irresponsible to the human mind and understanding.
This brings me to another visual. During this journey in the dessert God provided bread daily and required that they trust Him day by day for their food and to resist the human tendency to save for the following days in case there was not enough food in the future. What an amazing visual of faith…..a lesson on learning to resist your human understanding and just trust God blindly without knowing what will be the outcome of the situation. Every human can understand this need to responsibility to KNOW that you will have what you need tomorrow. But these are the same people that were honored enough to pass through the Sea on dry land all at the hand of God. This food they struggled to believe would be there the next day would miraculously appear in the first place yet they still struggled to believe God was going to take care of them when they felt hungry, thirsty, cold and scared.
I have come to realize during the challenging seasons of my life that without being allowed to feel scared, uncertain, confused and lonely – how would I be able to measure the greatness of God’s power and mercy. As I mentioned earlier I was able to relate to Moses to the point of tears since he gave voice to my own prayers and struggles with the difficulties of the journey of faith. I’ve had to ask myself why was it was that I related to Moses rather than the others worried about their safety, food and drink – those are very valid concerns for any person.
It is very interesting the way God speaks to us. Ever since I learned about the 11 day journey becoming a 40 year one due to disobedience and lack of faith, I continue to run in to references over and over about Moses and this journey. As I have been determined to just stay in prayer and learn and listen, I have learned many different aspects that are applicable to my daily life.
As I watched the 10 commandments on TV I could feel Moses’ pain & related to this amazing call from God. The opportunity to be part of something so much bigger than himself because He loved God so much that he whole heartedly desired to be obedient – that’s a rather uncommon thing. But due to this connection to Moses that I have had I have also had great revelation also. God has used him as an example of the need as a leader to be lead by faith and not by emotions. He has also been an example of the need to have sufficient faith for all those you lead in ministry so that the walk of faith may be demonstrated with peace even when things go downhill. I’ve learned if God said “tell the rock to give you water” I will tell it rather than hit it for water – or in my case not pay $50 less on my almost paid off van “just in case” the other budget items are overspent.
So overall I would say I have continuously been learning how to be a leader of ministry through the life of Moses…..and as I said I have not even read his story yet. I have learned that I have the ability to shorten my journey in the dessert by trusting God when things are scary & uncomfortable. I have learned that when you know more about God, He will expect more of you (especially faith) and when He leads you to something, do exactly what He says not what you are comfortable with.
So as I began this entry, it was merely for a release of the loneliness during my journey of faith, however by the end of this I have realized how much I can trust God and call my blessings as I see them. I am an ever changing person seeking God’s truth with great passion, I am not alone after all – it just so happens that because my faith has grown, so must my trust in the quiet moments that I journey alone with God …..only with God – it’s against my human understanding, but it’s a great & freeing revelation.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. " Proverbs 3:5-8
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Poem
Freedom
Free to receive Peace
Free to receive Peace
Free to surrender my burdens
Free to receive love
Free to share an honest heart
Free from Anger
Free from Pain
Free from being offended
Free from hopelessness
Free to wait on the Lord
Free to dream
Free to endless possibilities
Free to bare my soul
Free to the Holy Spirit's Leading
Free to receive healing
Free to be who God made me
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Monday, July 11, 2011
My Journey to Peace and Joy
As I journey through life, I constantly learn deep lessons from God that further my understanding of God’s control in my life. Situations that were once burdens, I have come to understand the blessings behind them. I have truly come to a stronger understanding as to why I am not to lean on my own understanding but truly trust in the Lord with all my heart. Life is tough, but when we try to control it based on our own understanding, we make our lives so much more stressful and hopeless.
In my most troubled times I’ve surrendered to change because I realize I don’t want to make a single decision in my life. Through constant prayer I have discovered more of what God desires of me, rather than waiting for something to change. My flaws are continuously exposed to me by God in a very gentle way. The moment I come to understand what it is I am lacking, there is nothing less than relief that I finally have a concrete way to make my life easier and more tolerable.
I am completely amazed by the blessings that have come upon my family. It may not be visible to the human spirit, but through my eyes of faith – miracles have taken place before me. My son has been healed and restored; he just began his summer basketball season and this is only one of the many blessings.
I am grateful for every person and every seed that God has planted in my life. I am grateful for every person that prayed for our benefit and I am grateful for every confident Godly person that has challenged me to grow in my beliefs so that I could receive the full blessings awaiting me. I am grateful for every honest heart that has pushed aside shame or embarrassment for the sake of glorifying God during their trials and opening my eyes to the truths and promises made by our Lord.
We have all been placed on this earth to support and encourage each other, not to judge or shame each other - but to learn from each other. You never know the impact a word, gesture or bit of honesty can have on a person struggling. Wisdom is to be shared. Every bit of guidance and wisdom that has been blessed by the Lord has matured me and opened my eyes to the endless possibilities in life. I do not limit myself to the growth done in a gentle manner, but the lessons learned through those that misunderstand my journey also. I have learned that God does not desire that I dismiss those that have the potential to hurt me. I must learn to pray for those that hurt me so that I may have the faith to carry me through the challenges and exhibit God’s love through me.
Every challenge I have faced has come back down to one thing – my willingness to become the best version of me. I will not try to pretend these changes are easy, but they are based on God’s truth & promises rather than my own flawed perspective. My passion grows and my hope becomes renewed and restored. I am able to clearly interpret and accept the blessings upon my life without any skepticism or hesitation, but with a completely grateful heart.
"Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." Romans 12:10-15
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
In my most troubled times I’ve surrendered to change because I realize I don’t want to make a single decision in my life. Through constant prayer I have discovered more of what God desires of me, rather than waiting for something to change. My flaws are continuously exposed to me by God in a very gentle way. The moment I come to understand what it is I am lacking, there is nothing less than relief that I finally have a concrete way to make my life easier and more tolerable.
I am completely amazed by the blessings that have come upon my family. It may not be visible to the human spirit, but through my eyes of faith – miracles have taken place before me. My son has been healed and restored; he just began his summer basketball season and this is only one of the many blessings.
I am grateful for every person and every seed that God has planted in my life. I am grateful for every person that prayed for our benefit and I am grateful for every confident Godly person that has challenged me to grow in my beliefs so that I could receive the full blessings awaiting me. I am grateful for every honest heart that has pushed aside shame or embarrassment for the sake of glorifying God during their trials and opening my eyes to the truths and promises made by our Lord.
We have all been placed on this earth to support and encourage each other, not to judge or shame each other - but to learn from each other. You never know the impact a word, gesture or bit of honesty can have on a person struggling. Wisdom is to be shared. Every bit of guidance and wisdom that has been blessed by the Lord has matured me and opened my eyes to the endless possibilities in life. I do not limit myself to the growth done in a gentle manner, but the lessons learned through those that misunderstand my journey also. I have learned that God does not desire that I dismiss those that have the potential to hurt me. I must learn to pray for those that hurt me so that I may have the faith to carry me through the challenges and exhibit God’s love through me.
Every challenge I have faced has come back down to one thing – my willingness to become the best version of me. I will not try to pretend these changes are easy, but they are based on God’s truth & promises rather than my own flawed perspective. My passion grows and my hope becomes renewed and restored. I am able to clearly interpret and accept the blessings upon my life without any skepticism or hesitation, but with a completely grateful heart.
"Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." Romans 12:10-15
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Monday, July 4, 2011
Be Still
I sit in silence as my son sleeps off what seems to have been a migraine. I prayed for him and rejected anything less than the truth that he is healed and requesting God give him rest and relief from pain. There was the temptation to grow worried and to continuously pray over him to relieve the pain. I soon heard the words "Be still & know I am God." So I was still and he soon fell asleep. As a mother it is hard to be still, but from my recent experiences in God's presence, I was able to comprehend the statement of "know I am God" in such a deeper more trusting level. It is as though that one thought reassures me that every concern, every prayer, every request of relief of pain and healing is already done - it's been heard and He's in control. I am to trust that if I must move I will move, if I must speak I will speak.... all lead by God simply because he wants me to be still; make no decisions, ask no questions but know with confidence He knows whats going on.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Monday, June 27, 2011
Leaning Not on My Own Understanding
As I share with others my journey of faith, it is purely to be a person that is able to relay the impact that God has had on my life - who I am and who I grow into. Each step of this journey following brain surgery for my son with the complication of Chemical Meningitis, brings more clarity to me as I seek it. I have never turned to the Bible more, reflected, meditated, prayed and wished to learn how to prevent my own actions from hindering the healing of my family. At the most difficult time of my life I have learned from the Lord how to trust Him with more confidence. With each moment that my trust grows to trust the Lord, I continue to see the physical healing of my son. Each day brings new revelation to me about how to change for the benefit of my family. That change must be of absolute trust in the Lord, beyond my own understanding (Prov 3:5). I accept my need to change more with each passing day, while the world around me appreciates my strength & faith, God has loved me through each painful moment and taught me how to forget about my own idea of what a mother and wife are to be. A mother's desire is to protect and love with compassion, so anything less than a gentle tone or touch is difficult to for a mother's heart during such a tremendous ordeal. Seeing your child in horrible pain is pure torment, so you try to prevent that pain in every way possible. But
that is why God surrounds us with what we need even when it breaks our hearts. God has blessed my son with a mother and father that bring uncomfortable balance into his life (yes I said uncomfortable balance - because in discomfort is where we grow-more on that on another entry). This is finally a time in my life that I have truly been able to appreciate the value of a person knowing what needs to get done and doing it without the breaking heart that I tend to have. And with this balance, my son has successfully completed one full week of daycare and celebrated his 9th birthday.
With each leap of faith on my part, my son's physical healing continues to be restored with strength. With each confession of my own sin, I personally grow stronger with more confidence in all that God has
planned for my family. Because I have accepted this journey, I have clearly understood this is a calling from God - a very special calling - I have been so blessed by God's wisdom & peace. The Bible says that
trials test the genuiness of one's faith (1 Peter 1:7), so I feel a great sense of accomplishment with each lesson I learn - and I live with more clarity each day. I can never relay an update about my son's health without my testimony of God's grace and wisdom, since the two are so tightly intertwined. God will answer our prayers, but we must be willing to find our comfort in Him and not try to rush the process. We must be willing to accept our wrongness with our human spirit even we are very justified in our actions or feelings. As I accept that I do not want to limit myself to what is humanly acceptable and expected, my journey becomes so much more peaceful, hopeful and joyful. I want to do what God desires for me rather than rely on my own understanding, because truly God's way is easier. If He says wait, then wait. If He says be still, then don't run to someone for comfort - sit in silence - do what He says - be still and don't try to figure out the next step. If He takes everyone away from you that normally comforts you - turn to Him and only Him - He'll let you know who you need to speak to that will help in your growth of faith and trust in Him. When He said my son was healed - then it was done - it was my responsibility to believe it with every breath I took - even when my son had a really bad headache, felt dizzy or fell to the ground almost hitting his head as he tried to shoot
a basketball. It was my responsibility to confidently proclaim that he was healed. And so he continues each day returning to the normal life of a 9 year old. His sadness that he may be in the hospital on his birthday has successfully transformed my baby's concern to should I get chocolate or vanilla cupcakes for my friends at daycare. All by the loving grace of God. Jesus said "...Don't be afraid; just believe, and she(he) will be healed." Luke 8:50 So as the father in Mark 9:24 asked, “I do believe, but help my unbelief!” God has helped me also, for the sake of my son and my family.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)
"The Lord is my Strength and my (impenetrable) Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him!" (Psalm 28:7)
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
that is why God surrounds us with what we need even when it breaks our hearts. God has blessed my son with a mother and father that bring uncomfortable balance into his life (yes I said uncomfortable balance - because in discomfort is where we grow-more on that on another entry). This is finally a time in my life that I have truly been able to appreciate the value of a person knowing what needs to get done and doing it without the breaking heart that I tend to have. And with this balance, my son has successfully completed one full week of daycare and celebrated his 9th birthday.
With each leap of faith on my part, my son's physical healing continues to be restored with strength. With each confession of my own sin, I personally grow stronger with more confidence in all that God has
planned for my family. Because I have accepted this journey, I have clearly understood this is a calling from God - a very special calling - I have been so blessed by God's wisdom & peace. The Bible says that
trials test the genuiness of one's faith (1 Peter 1:7), so I feel a great sense of accomplishment with each lesson I learn - and I live with more clarity each day. I can never relay an update about my son's health without my testimony of God's grace and wisdom, since the two are so tightly intertwined. God will answer our prayers, but we must be willing to find our comfort in Him and not try to rush the process. We must be willing to accept our wrongness with our human spirit even we are very justified in our actions or feelings. As I accept that I do not want to limit myself to what is humanly acceptable and expected, my journey becomes so much more peaceful, hopeful and joyful. I want to do what God desires for me rather than rely on my own understanding, because truly God's way is easier. If He says wait, then wait. If He says be still, then don't run to someone for comfort - sit in silence - do what He says - be still and don't try to figure out the next step. If He takes everyone away from you that normally comforts you - turn to Him and only Him - He'll let you know who you need to speak to that will help in your growth of faith and trust in Him. When He said my son was healed - then it was done - it was my responsibility to believe it with every breath I took - even when my son had a really bad headache, felt dizzy or fell to the ground almost hitting his head as he tried to shoot
a basketball. It was my responsibility to confidently proclaim that he was healed. And so he continues each day returning to the normal life of a 9 year old. His sadness that he may be in the hospital on his birthday has successfully transformed my baby's concern to should I get chocolate or vanilla cupcakes for my friends at daycare. All by the loving grace of God. Jesus said "...Don't be afraid; just believe, and she(he) will be healed." Luke 8:50 So as the father in Mark 9:24 asked, “I do believe, but help my unbelief!” God has helped me also, for the sake of my son and my family.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)
"The Lord is my Strength and my (impenetrable) Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him!" (Psalm 28:7)
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Acceptance
Generally at this point in my journey I do not blog and share the rawness of my journey. My blog entries are generally a reflection of what I have learned and overcome. This is the part of the journey that is hard and requires constant rejection of fear, depression and anxiety.
My husband has challenged me to write about acceptance. I have taken this challenge with hope that this will renew my strength and perserverance. God tends to guide my words as I write them and give great revelation that helps me move forward.
At a time when families are deciding which beach to visit or if Disneyland or Disneyworld is the better trip, my family continues to be in a battle for my son's full healing. After a setback this past week from his surgery a month ago (chemical meningitis), I am in frequent prayer for complete healing & restoration for my son. Each day that we are home there is a temptation to fear his severe headaches returning. There is a roller coaster of emotions that tempt us to surrender to anger, lonliness, frustration & defeat.
This is were acceptance comes in. While we are in our human spirit all these feelings are capable of leading who we are and how we react. I have had to accept that this as my cross to bear as a mother and as a wife. If I do not accept this journey I will resist this journey and I will grow angry. I must accept that during these difficulties God is in control and there is not a single thing I can do to change the outcome, but pray & stay in faith trusting every promise God has made through his Word. I must meditate on His words, truths and promises and continue to ask for healing & peace & every other prayer that is required each new day.
Had Jesus not accepted His destiny of a cruel & torturous death our lives would not be as blessed as they are. We complain about what painful challenges we must face daily, yet how often do we make the effort to truly reflect on the destiny Jesus accepted as a benefit to human kind, even those that reject Him daily. I have recently reflected on the acceptance of the Virgin Mother of Jesus, to watch her son be tortured and know that she must watch and trust God's promise that this would fulfill Jesus full destiny.
Accepting these journey are painful and so hard, but amazingly necessary. Were it not for the acceptance of these journey we would not encounter the many blessings that God offers those who are obedient. When I accept the painful journey, I then learn how to accept the many blessings from God.
There is a tendency as humans to feel that we are supposed to create our own destiny and that our own efforts will create our happiness. But when we accept our blessings from God, it is an opportunity to bring glory to God rather than think we are surviving with our own efforts. When we accept that those things that are good are from God, we get to live beyond ourselves and we grow and we accept the peace & joy that God offers daily without skepticism.
As I accept my painful journey and thank God that he is growing me, I am able to know with confidence that this is all preparation for our amazing future. We are being healed as a family, individually and God will restore all that has been lost during these trying times.
"..."Don't be afraid; just believe, and she(he) will be healed." (Luke 8:50)
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)
"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
My husband has challenged me to write about acceptance. I have taken this challenge with hope that this will renew my strength and perserverance. God tends to guide my words as I write them and give great revelation that helps me move forward.
At a time when families are deciding which beach to visit or if Disneyland or Disneyworld is the better trip, my family continues to be in a battle for my son's full healing. After a setback this past week from his surgery a month ago (chemical meningitis), I am in frequent prayer for complete healing & restoration for my son. Each day that we are home there is a temptation to fear his severe headaches returning. There is a roller coaster of emotions that tempt us to surrender to anger, lonliness, frustration & defeat.
This is were acceptance comes in. While we are in our human spirit all these feelings are capable of leading who we are and how we react. I have had to accept that this as my cross to bear as a mother and as a wife. If I do not accept this journey I will resist this journey and I will grow angry. I must accept that during these difficulties God is in control and there is not a single thing I can do to change the outcome, but pray & stay in faith trusting every promise God has made through his Word. I must meditate on His words, truths and promises and continue to ask for healing & peace & every other prayer that is required each new day.
Had Jesus not accepted His destiny of a cruel & torturous death our lives would not be as blessed as they are. We complain about what painful challenges we must face daily, yet how often do we make the effort to truly reflect on the destiny Jesus accepted as a benefit to human kind, even those that reject Him daily. I have recently reflected on the acceptance of the Virgin Mother of Jesus, to watch her son be tortured and know that she must watch and trust God's promise that this would fulfill Jesus full destiny.
Accepting these journey are painful and so hard, but amazingly necessary. Were it not for the acceptance of these journey we would not encounter the many blessings that God offers those who are obedient. When I accept the painful journey, I then learn how to accept the many blessings from God.
There is a tendency as humans to feel that we are supposed to create our own destiny and that our own efforts will create our happiness. But when we accept our blessings from God, it is an opportunity to bring glory to God rather than think we are surviving with our own efforts. When we accept that those things that are good are from God, we get to live beyond ourselves and we grow and we accept the peace & joy that God offers daily without skepticism.
As I accept my painful journey and thank God that he is growing me, I am able to know with confidence that this is all preparation for our amazing future. We are being healed as a family, individually and God will restore all that has been lost during these trying times.
"..."Don't be afraid; just believe, and she(he) will be healed." (Luke 8:50)
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)
"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Monday, May 23, 2011
I'm New to this whole Blogging thing :)
Well it seems that when you are a follower, unless you have a blog or gmail account and check your "dashboard", you are really not able to follow me without coming to my blog. So I have now added the gadget to "follow by email". So let's give that a shot and I'll cross my finger that it helps. The email option will send an email with my new entries on the day that I update my blog. Thanks for being patient with me!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Thanks for Reading
Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read my reflections as I journey through this journey of faith and growth. I would love any comments or input about my insight.
Also I would absolutely love if you could become a follower of my blog... I will not lie it really brightens my day to know that there are people that appreciate my writing.
Also I would absolutely love if you could become a follower of my blog... I will not lie it really brightens my day to know that there are people that appreciate my writing.
A Humble Heart
During the challenges of life I have been able to learn who I am with a much more humble heart. I have learned to push aside my ego for the sake of bringing glory to God. It was during these challenges that God revealed to me the passion of writing, speaking and ministering to others as they encounter their very own challenges. I thank God for every revelation about who I am and who I hope to become.
As a woman originally convinced that the challenges in my marriage were related to our differences, God has humbled me to the truth that I was overlooking so much in my husband. It has been through the challenges of my marriage that I have learned the most humbling experience of truly putting someone (other than my children) before me. As I continue to discover my weaknesses, I am enlightened to my husband's strengths. These are strengths that he may have even forgotten about.
If it were not for the wisdom & leading of God, I would have surrendered to the defeat within my marriage. But by God's grace I continue to learn to accept that the beauty of our marriage is within those differences. The strength in the unfamiliar is what challenges me to be the best wife and woman, without the expectation that my husband fulfill my happiness. It seems that it is in those moments that I question most where I must change, I receive the most clear answers.
If it were not for God's grace & wisdom, I would not have had my husband's silent strength by my side during the most difficult times of my life. If it were not for God's forgiveness on me for taking a gift for granted, I would not be the woman I am today.
Every relationship has challenges; whether friendship, family or children, but when we humble ourselves enough to accept that God has brought us together for a reason beyond our own happiness - we ourselves are blessed with a "peace that surpasses all understanding". We learn to patiently pray for peace and understanding, we grow in our faith, and most importantly we begin to remove the responsibility of another person to make us happy. We are then able to look at a person with the simple understanding that we are all God's children, everyone of us - and God has entrusted us with each other so that we may learn to be the example of Christ that we have been called to be.
“And so, dear brothers and sisters I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” Romans 12:1-3
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
As a woman originally convinced that the challenges in my marriage were related to our differences, God has humbled me to the truth that I was overlooking so much in my husband. It has been through the challenges of my marriage that I have learned the most humbling experience of truly putting someone (other than my children) before me. As I continue to discover my weaknesses, I am enlightened to my husband's strengths. These are strengths that he may have even forgotten about.
If it were not for the wisdom & leading of God, I would have surrendered to the defeat within my marriage. But by God's grace I continue to learn to accept that the beauty of our marriage is within those differences. The strength in the unfamiliar is what challenges me to be the best wife and woman, without the expectation that my husband fulfill my happiness. It seems that it is in those moments that I question most where I must change, I receive the most clear answers.
If it were not for God's grace & wisdom, I would not have had my husband's silent strength by my side during the most difficult times of my life. If it were not for God's forgiveness on me for taking a gift for granted, I would not be the woman I am today.
Every relationship has challenges; whether friendship, family or children, but when we humble ourselves enough to accept that God has brought us together for a reason beyond our own happiness - we ourselves are blessed with a "peace that surpasses all understanding". We learn to patiently pray for peace and understanding, we grow in our faith, and most importantly we begin to remove the responsibility of another person to make us happy. We are then able to look at a person with the simple understanding that we are all God's children, everyone of us - and God has entrusted us with each other so that we may learn to be the example of Christ that we have been called to be.
“And so, dear brothers and sisters I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” Romans 12:1-3
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Being Bold......It's No Longer A Curse
As I reflect on the past month and a half full of challenges I rest in one truth, my God has been by my side day by day. This has been a season that has challenged who I am, how faithful I truly am and how I survive day by day without worry. At a time when my father & son have experienced major health challenges, I have learned how to wait on my Lord and find peace in Him..... I've experienced the beauty in all the pain.
During a time when stress levels where high, I solely focused on the promises that God has given me. I now know God never gives me more than I can handle, but amazingly I realized I can handle so much more with God's grace than I realized. I would have never come to this realization without experiencing the intensity of these trials simultaneously.
God desires that I rest in him, not worry, not try to figure out my next step or next week, but wait on Him and trust that He is working and arranging my life and my blessings even while chaos seems to be breaking out all around me. When I rest in Him and trust in Him and not my own understanding, I'm not consumed by worry, therefore I am able to wait on Him with a grateful heart. While it may seem that waiting without a plan is irresponsible, it leaves me energy, hope and the opportunity to be lead by God to an outcome greater than what I may have planned.
As I begin to recover from the emotional toll that brain surgery on my 8 year old son has had on our family, I now have the opportunity to reflect on the existence of God's power during our journey. There continues to be revelation about seeds planted months ago or even years ago that have become blessings in the present.
It was 8 years ago that I began to truly understand the concept of surrender. As my son was born 2 full months early and I was unable to see him for 2 days because of my own health issues, I knew all I could do was put my helpless baby into God's hands. After a 4 day hospital stay there was no emotional energy to worry about the reality of my son's condition. He began his life with a machine taking his first breaths for him. While at the time it seemed as though this was such a traumatic experience, it truly was a blessing in so many ways. I was able to see the beauty of others reaching out with concern, the strength and dependability of my parents visiting my son daily for a month and a half, my father's faith grew daily and my husband was able to be strengthened in his role as father - a silent strength was resurrected within him. These are just a handful of the blessings, but the fact that my son's Hydrocephalus and Chiari Malformation were detected years before severe symptoms were able to begin, MRI testing was done purely for the fact that he was premature.
After 5 years of monitoring my son's conditions and surgeries for my son's Hydrocephalus, his Chiari Malformation began causing spinal fluid to seep into his spinal cord. So at the age of 6, he had a partial Chiari Decompression surgery. A week ago he had the remaining surgery which our surgeon had optimistically hoped would not be necessary.
In all honesty, one blog entry cannot even begin to bring justice to the intensity of this past month and a half. But one thing that can be said about this journey, I WAS BOLD. I spoke truth over every situation. Not my understanding of truth, but God's truth, even when others did not understand me or challenged who I truly am. My conversations & revelations from God are not a luxury, but a necessity for survival, for peace. I do not like the feelings of anxiety or fear, to me I feel that when I am controlled by those emotions I am not able to experience the full greatness of God's lessons. I've learned that when my lesson has been learned, I'm allowed to move forward - I do not have to return to this same lesson over and over, God smiles upon me and says "Well done, you have accepted the peace I have offered."
During this really tough season, that lead to the temptation of surrendering to depression, loneliness & stepping off the lighted path God has given me - I refused to conform to the world. In a season that I was misunderstood and attempts were made to persuade me to change who I am or who I am becoming, I have learned with confidence to accept that I am exactly who God has called me to be. I speak words of truth and hope. I learn from everyone who has the courage to teach me without shame or embarrassment. I take no blessing for granted. I put no limits on my journey, no limits on my understanding as to who my God is. When I was not receiving the spiritual insight and inspiration that I was seeking I refused to accept that I was to stop the search. I WAS BOLD - I refused to conform to a human's understanding of what God has waiting for me or the lessons he is teaching me.
My boldness has been frequently misunderstood by many in my lifetime. It felt as though it was a curse for many of my adult years. But now, I accept it as an amazing blessing from God. If it were not for my Boldness in faith, I would have allowed others define how I am to grow in my faith and how to live out my faith, I would have allowed this world to subtly put out the fire that lies within my heart to share God's love, power and healing on us all. The Bilble says "lean not on your own understanding", so because I am Bold I am confident in making decisions that may not make sense to other because that is where God has lead me. I am able to Boldly proclaim that God speaks to me in his subtle and gentle ways so that I may be that example of faith that plants a seed into others when they are tempted to worry, feel defeated or deny God's power. I have been able to Boldly accept these trials to allow others to see God in every instance of my life, this has not been by my own strength or understanding, but by the leading of God's gentle hand.
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:16
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
During a time when stress levels where high, I solely focused on the promises that God has given me. I now know God never gives me more than I can handle, but amazingly I realized I can handle so much more with God's grace than I realized. I would have never come to this realization without experiencing the intensity of these trials simultaneously.
God desires that I rest in him, not worry, not try to figure out my next step or next week, but wait on Him and trust that He is working and arranging my life and my blessings even while chaos seems to be breaking out all around me. When I rest in Him and trust in Him and not my own understanding, I'm not consumed by worry, therefore I am able to wait on Him with a grateful heart. While it may seem that waiting without a plan is irresponsible, it leaves me energy, hope and the opportunity to be lead by God to an outcome greater than what I may have planned.
As I begin to recover from the emotional toll that brain surgery on my 8 year old son has had on our family, I now have the opportunity to reflect on the existence of God's power during our journey. There continues to be revelation about seeds planted months ago or even years ago that have become blessings in the present.
It was 8 years ago that I began to truly understand the concept of surrender. As my son was born 2 full months early and I was unable to see him for 2 days because of my own health issues, I knew all I could do was put my helpless baby into God's hands. After a 4 day hospital stay there was no emotional energy to worry about the reality of my son's condition. He began his life with a machine taking his first breaths for him. While at the time it seemed as though this was such a traumatic experience, it truly was a blessing in so many ways. I was able to see the beauty of others reaching out with concern, the strength and dependability of my parents visiting my son daily for a month and a half, my father's faith grew daily and my husband was able to be strengthened in his role as father - a silent strength was resurrected within him. These are just a handful of the blessings, but the fact that my son's Hydrocephalus and Chiari Malformation were detected years before severe symptoms were able to begin, MRI testing was done purely for the fact that he was premature.
After 5 years of monitoring my son's conditions and surgeries for my son's Hydrocephalus, his Chiari Malformation began causing spinal fluid to seep into his spinal cord. So at the age of 6, he had a partial Chiari Decompression surgery. A week ago he had the remaining surgery which our surgeon had optimistically hoped would not be necessary.
In all honesty, one blog entry cannot even begin to bring justice to the intensity of this past month and a half. But one thing that can be said about this journey, I WAS BOLD. I spoke truth over every situation. Not my understanding of truth, but God's truth, even when others did not understand me or challenged who I truly am. My conversations & revelations from God are not a luxury, but a necessity for survival, for peace. I do not like the feelings of anxiety or fear, to me I feel that when I am controlled by those emotions I am not able to experience the full greatness of God's lessons. I've learned that when my lesson has been learned, I'm allowed to move forward - I do not have to return to this same lesson over and over, God smiles upon me and says "Well done, you have accepted the peace I have offered."
During this really tough season, that lead to the temptation of surrendering to depression, loneliness & stepping off the lighted path God has given me - I refused to conform to the world. In a season that I was misunderstood and attempts were made to persuade me to change who I am or who I am becoming, I have learned with confidence to accept that I am exactly who God has called me to be. I speak words of truth and hope. I learn from everyone who has the courage to teach me without shame or embarrassment. I take no blessing for granted. I put no limits on my journey, no limits on my understanding as to who my God is. When I was not receiving the spiritual insight and inspiration that I was seeking I refused to accept that I was to stop the search. I WAS BOLD - I refused to conform to a human's understanding of what God has waiting for me or the lessons he is teaching me.
My boldness has been frequently misunderstood by many in my lifetime. It felt as though it was a curse for many of my adult years. But now, I accept it as an amazing blessing from God. If it were not for my Boldness in faith, I would have allowed others define how I am to grow in my faith and how to live out my faith, I would have allowed this world to subtly put out the fire that lies within my heart to share God's love, power and healing on us all. The Bilble says "lean not on your own understanding", so because I am Bold I am confident in making decisions that may not make sense to other because that is where God has lead me. I am able to Boldly proclaim that God speaks to me in his subtle and gentle ways so that I may be that example of faith that plants a seed into others when they are tempted to worry, feel defeated or deny God's power. I have been able to Boldly accept these trials to allow others to see God in every instance of my life, this has not been by my own strength or understanding, but by the leading of God's gentle hand.
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:16
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I choose not to live life by fear but by truth and promises. I do not have energy to worry since my body and mind are tired. I must surrender to God’s leading since I am not wise enough or strong enough to make my own decisions. I am a flawed human with a view of life based on my own experiences. I cannot grow weary. I cannot be worried. I must stay in God’s presence or I will be blind to my blessings.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I'm Just a Circle in a Sea of Squares
One of my greatest challenges in life has been the feeling that I am different. I have been a very analytical and thoughtful person as long as I can remember. In my youth I would have to say this was mostly received as rebellion. As I reflect on my life I have had some influences of very unique personalities. People that have challenged societal views in their own personal ways. People who too have been a thorn in the side of the traditional, conventional perceptions of life. But these influences have been the most animated, intellectual, uniquely humored and most appreciated people in my life. These are the influences that have kept me balanced by keeping me off balanced, so that I may have an "off" button to my intensity. These are the influences that have allowed me to accept being a "circle" and no longer needing to comfortably be a "rhombus (merely a slightly unusual square)". These amazing people probably don't even realize how deeply they have impacted who I am - since it has only been recently that I myself have been able to truly appreciate who I am. As I explore a version of myself that has dreams greater than I ever imagined for myself or my family, I continue to accept who I am with more confidence and understanding. Let me begin with my highschool best friend that shared nick names with me, used dictionaries to create amusing scripts for prank calls and danced our final dance before graduation in tears - she was the Semi to my Colon. Then there is my Jaquelina, who enjoys the amazing gifts of laughing out loud and living life through a variety of lyrics and song - oh how her courage to live a life beyond the familiar keeps me on the edge of my seat. With a knack for stating the most outrageous observations of life, yet so intelligent and compassionate with those she graciously accepts into her heart. I dare not forget the Yen to my Yang who has loved me for me when everything within him said run for the hills. As he has allowed me the honor to love him, I have learned about unconditional love in a way I never knew existed. As we escape into our unusual world I am reminded how to remain connected to a geniune heart, regardless of how complex or confusing it may be at times. And last but not least my Mother. A woman so unaware of the expectation of society to be embarrassed. What courage it took to be who she was. A gift that has been gratefully accepted through the blood that pulses through my veins daily. She has given me the most courage to accept that I am a circle, to remove the boundaries of what society may expect of me. The desire to sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching. Her uniqueness has allowed me to be an open book to the world, without shame or embarrassment. I am God's child. I was created for His purpose. I accept each of these influences into my heart and character as I move forward, open to an undefined future full of hope, creativity, gratitude and fearlessness.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Monday, January 24, 2011
I'll bear my fruit of the Holy Spirit if you bear yours!
It is so interesting that many of us have thought, why would God put us together because our loved ones have personalities that hurt our feelings and think so different than we do. But we are basically answering our own question. Because God wants us to learn not to be so driven by emotions & "feelings" and to be different from who we are. If we truly believe that we are filled with the Holy Spirit - bearing the fruit of the spirit especially applies to us - not them but us. The fruit of the spirit is kindness, peace, joy, self-control, love, longsuffering, faithfulness, goodness & gentleness (Gal 5:22). The key is bearing the fruit, not having a subconscious attitude of "I'll bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit when you bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit." It is God's way of teaching us to be humble and "practice what we preach" to those we love. If they see these characteristics in us, they will eventually trust that it is who we truly are and they will be inspired - and I don't mean, today or tomorrow but when we have learned what we must learn. We are only able to justify our behavior in the human spirit, but we must hold each other accountable as we grow in our own Holiness. As we accept this truth, we are empowered to grow and in the process, our own happiness no longer becomes our priority. But our priority becomes to truly surrender who we are God - to shape us into who He created us to be - not who we thought we wanted to be. So my challenge today will be to examine our difficult relationships and ask that uncomofortable and unfair question, "Am I truly treating this person the way I wish I was treated." "Am I overlooking this persons imperfections in the same manner I wish my imperfections to be overlooked?" The most challenging situations are situations that only God has answers for. And as we search for resolve in the difficulties we must fully surrender that we don't have answers, but pray and listen to what God is teaching us in these situations. As I have dealt with situations of chaos, it is difficult to understand my contribution to the choas. But as I am in constant communication with God, I ask God what is it that he is teaching me that I am missing, because I do not like surrendering my joy to chaos. But each moment of challenge, I once again request the presence of the Holy Spirit to bear fruit within me, so that I may be at peace feeling God's presence within me maintaining hope for the next day.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A Moment in Time
A person’s history can unfortunately create barriers to one’s heart. It is almost as though a person has two very distinct personalities. The first personality is reactive and responds with a self-preservation attitude. The second personality is the genuine & pure heart. Quite often the two personalities are polar opposites and challenging for those close to them. The constant misinterpretations of life continue to give validation to the need to self-protect and create barriers within relationships. The hardness, the uneasiness and the darkness become unbearable. Loneliness sets in their hearts and those that love them. Barrier after barrier, bitterness and frustration begin to define this person. God’s grace and compassion are all that can save a person from self-destruction. It is so ironic that what begins as self-preservation becomes self-destruction.
God makes no mistakes. God gives other strong willed and faithful people the opportunity to understand why God created them this way. But the miracle is in the growth of the strong-willed, faithful individual. God teaches and you learn. In a life that began with so much wisdom, knowledge and determination – you come to learn that you don’t know God as much as you thought. You learn that your life is not about your happiness or your dreams. Your strength and determination become necessary to fight to inspire the removal of barriers from hearts. Your strength becomes a shield of selflessness where your pain becomes less important than the pain of the one who hurts you because of their pain. Your determination becomes the determination to stay in faith, to hear God’s call on your life and to die to who you are with each breath you take.
It is not martyrdom, because each word and action must be prayed on and surrendered to. Each misspoken word and fearful reaction must seek forgiveness from God. You must become a vessel to God open to discomfort but a deep love for God knowing that He is the only healer. It is a hard journey in the human spirit, so you must gird your waist and fight a spiritual fight all in the name of God.
So why fight the fight…..because the one you love is worth it. God has blessed you with the compassion in your heart to love beyond the hardness and appreciate the pain that has shaped the one you love. You are able to know God in a way that you have never known Him before. You remember that “God will not take you where His grace will not protect you.” You finally begin to recognize God's face in your loved one. If you do not fight the faithful fight, who will?
And then there is a moment in time…. when everything stops…. a moment when your loved one removes a barrier and trusts you enough to be vulnerable…. to accept your love. They reunite with the desires God has placed in their heart that they protect so diligently. A moment when you are reminded that it is not the relationship you are fighting for, but the opportunity to be there on the day that your loved one realizes they are worthy of God’s love.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
God makes no mistakes. God gives other strong willed and faithful people the opportunity to understand why God created them this way. But the miracle is in the growth of the strong-willed, faithful individual. God teaches and you learn. In a life that began with so much wisdom, knowledge and determination – you come to learn that you don’t know God as much as you thought. You learn that your life is not about your happiness or your dreams. Your strength and determination become necessary to fight to inspire the removal of barriers from hearts. Your strength becomes a shield of selflessness where your pain becomes less important than the pain of the one who hurts you because of their pain. Your determination becomes the determination to stay in faith, to hear God’s call on your life and to die to who you are with each breath you take.
It is not martyrdom, because each word and action must be prayed on and surrendered to. Each misspoken word and fearful reaction must seek forgiveness from God. You must become a vessel to God open to discomfort but a deep love for God knowing that He is the only healer. It is a hard journey in the human spirit, so you must gird your waist and fight a spiritual fight all in the name of God.
So why fight the fight…..because the one you love is worth it. God has blessed you with the compassion in your heart to love beyond the hardness and appreciate the pain that has shaped the one you love. You are able to know God in a way that you have never known Him before. You remember that “God will not take you where His grace will not protect you.” You finally begin to recognize God's face in your loved one. If you do not fight the faithful fight, who will?
And then there is a moment in time…. when everything stops…. a moment when your loved one removes a barrier and trusts you enough to be vulnerable…. to accept your love. They reunite with the desires God has placed in their heart that they protect so diligently. A moment when you are reminded that it is not the relationship you are fighting for, but the opportunity to be there on the day that your loved one realizes they are worthy of God’s love.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Validation Has Been Granted
I am so extremely happy. An essay of mine was accepted on the website below. Take a look. Thanks.
http://thisibelieve.org/essay/84106/
http://thisibelieve.org/essay/84106/
Friday, September 10, 2010
It's Not About Me.....Go Figure
I have decided to ponder some of the points in the "Purpose Driven Life" journal by Rick Warren. This was actually a purchase made to be given as a gift. As I opened the journal, the very first day stated the "Point to Ponder - It's not about me." To me that point seems obvious, we are here for God's purpose. But when I continued on to the reflection that life is not even about my peace of mind or happiness - well that definitely caught my attention on a deeper level. Although I go through each day understanding this, I think it's clear to say when it comes to those I love, it's a bit more difficult and confusing. How do I implement this? I do truly & genuinely try daily to treat my loved ones in this manner, however the rejection and unexplainable frustration with me causes me to struggle with this. I get overwhelmed, lonely, feel misunderstood & I have no idea how to respond to this. How do I love through this? How do I receive love through this? As a human it is so difficult to continue to put those that hurt me most before my struggle - so of course I eventually lose control, raise my voice or feel lost in my situation. I will even say I define my loved ones by the circumstances. I begin to plead with God to change the circumstances. I do continue praying for those I love and myself, but many times those prayers are driven by fear. What do I do? Where am I going wrong? How do I implement unconditional love? What is the best way to give glory to God during my darkness? Each answer I continue to receive reminds me it's not about me, but about loving with enthusiasm especially as there is darkness. In those moments of darkness, I must not fear my own rejection, pain or disrespect. I must allow a calm spirit in myself to allow God's greatness to shine through me. I must make every effort to treat those I love with the same perfect love that God treats me with. I must acknowledge in my mind and heart that the imperfections of others are not their heart's desire, they too want to joyfully wait. I am reminded that they must be taught with a patient heart from God. I will not be their teacher, but God through me. I must completely empty my mind and heart to allow God room to build up those I love. I must put aside all my fears of not being happy or a broken heart. Because God continues to remind me that my life can not be about my happiness, because then there is the danger that my life becomes about my fears of not achieving a happy life. I must allow myself to measure joy and peace through God's eyes. I must view those I love with the same compassion I would of lost strangers searching for a sincere heart and yearning for happiness in their lives - wanting to be reminded that they are worthy of existence. If I can joyfully wait, and allow those I love to see it within me - then I am one step closer to fulfilling my full purpose. I will live God's will in my life with a clean heart without judgment, anger, jealousy or paralyzing pain or fear. As I lose myself and abandon myself to God, I will not respond to those I love as though their action or words are responsible for my happiness.
Dear God, help me to die to myself, to stop resisting complete surrender out of fear that my life may be different from that which I am comfortable. Please guide me to see my loved ones through your loving and accepting eyes. Clear my mind daily so that I am able to clearly discern your voice in every situation.
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV)
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Dear God, help me to die to myself, to stop resisting complete surrender out of fear that my life may be different from that which I am comfortable. Please guide me to see my loved ones through your loving and accepting eyes. Clear my mind daily so that I am able to clearly discern your voice in every situation.
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV)
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Putting the "I" in DysfunctIon.......
No matter how much I try, I continue to put the "I" in DysfunctIon. Day in Day out, I say "God what are you wanting me to do?". I try and I try - to achieve happiness that is. Well finally it's hit me. My contribution to Dysfunction is the fear to surrender. The fear of the outcome. The fear of being pained. The thought in my mind continues "Trust God, not the human spirit." As I have continuously put the "I" in Dysfunction, I have continued to pray for guidance, grace and a positive outcome - however, I have failed to SURRENDER my troubles and fears. I've continue to play tug a war with God, in a game He doesn't even have to attempt at. He just steadily, effortlessly continues to hold the other end of my fear reminding me He's there ready- fear in His hand until I am ready to release my troubles to Him fully. Releasing any bit of control I have tried to maintain over my situation. Repeatedly and tiredly I've asked God, "What do you want me to do?"" How do you want me to handle this?"" What am I not getting that I need to learn?" Well I am finally beginning to understand His silence, I'm supposed to do nothing about my struggles. I'm supposed to redirect my joy and purpose as I wait and let Him solve my issues. I realize that my reactions are fear driven. If I sit silently will I be taken advantage of? If I offer love, will it mean that I've accepted less than I deserve? If I do not protect my heart, will it be pained beyond repair? As I was seeking God's wisdom I received a visual of different people that symbolized various stages of surrendering life. The first was a visual of a man with a bullet proof protector that NO human could possibly go beyond. The second was a man with a brick barrier, sturdy and hard but with enough will & determination you could eventually reach the human, maybe remove a brick layer every now and then. The third was a marshmallow exterior. Yes marshmallow, I don't know why but that's what God showed me. The interpretation of this person was that there was a sticky and messy exterior, in understanding that the person was messy and imperfect, but still including a sweet exterior, the human could be reached and appreciated. This person was pleasant, approachable but still some sort of protection barrier from others but with much more ease than the other humans. But then the final person was completely open without barriers, with God behind them -God's size and illuminating light was surrounding this person. Vulnerable in every way, but feeling safe with God's warmth & powerful protection behind him. An heir of confidence, peace and knowing that there needs to be no self created barrier from the world, but open to all that may come his way, without fear. So as I ponder who I am, I would say I am probably the marshmallow exterior. I'll admit, there are times I try to create a brick exterior, but then I feel God's leading and He doesn't allow me the determination to be that self-protective. I'm far from perfect, but if you are willing to accept my imperfections - I'm willing to accept & appreciate a genuine heart. So through this attempt to accept the imperfections of others, and trusting that God has created us as we are - I am able to gradually remove the I from the Dysfunction around me.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved
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