Acceptance

Generally at this point in my journey I do not blog and share the rawness of my journey.  My blog entries are generally a reflection of what I have learned and overcome.  This is the part of the journey that is hard and requires constant rejection of fear, depression and anxiety.

My husband has challenged me to write about acceptance.  I have taken this challenge with hope that this will renew my strength and perserverance.  God tends to guide my words as I write them and give great revelation that helps me move forward.

At a time when families are deciding which beach to visit or if Disneyland or Disneyworld is the better trip, my family continues to be in a battle for my son's full healing.  After a setback this past week from his surgery a month ago (chemical meningitis), I am in frequent prayer for complete healing & restoration for my son.  Each day that we are home there is a temptation to fear his severe headaches returning.  There is a roller coaster of emotions that tempt us to surrender to anger, lonliness, frustration & defeat. 

This is were acceptance comes in.  While we are in our human spirit all these feelings are capable of leading who we are and how we react.  I have had to accept that this as my cross to bear as a mother and as a wife.  If I do not accept this journey I will resist this journey and I will grow angry.  I must accept that during these difficulties God is in control and there is not a single thing I can do to change the outcome, but pray & stay in faith trusting every promise God has made through his Word.  I must meditate on His words, truths and promises and continue to ask for healing & peace & every other prayer that is required each new day. 

Had Jesus not accepted His destiny of a cruel & torturous death our lives would not be as blessed as they are.  We complain about what painful challenges we must face daily, yet how often do we make the effort to truly reflect on the destiny Jesus accepted as a benefit to human kind, even those that reject Him daily.  I have recently reflected on the acceptance of the Virgin Mother of Jesus, to watch her son be tortured and know that she must watch and trust God's promise that this would fulfill Jesus full destiny. 

Accepting these journey are painful and so hard, but amazingly necessary.  Were it not for the acceptance of these journey we would not encounter the many blessings that God offers those who are obedient.  When I accept the painful journey, I then learn how to accept the many blessings from God. 

There is a tendency as humans to feel that we are supposed to create our own destiny and that our own efforts will create our happiness.  But when we accept our blessings from God, it is an opportunity to bring glory to God rather than think we are surviving with our own efforts.  When we accept that those things that are good are from God, we get to live beyond ourselves and we grow and we accept the peace & joy that God offers daily without skepticism.

As I accept my painful journey and thank God that he is growing me, I am able to know with confidence that this is all preparation for our amazing future.  We are being healed as a family, individually and God will restore all that has been lost during these trying times.

"..."Don't be afraid; just believe, and she(he) will be healed." (Luke 8:50)


“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)


"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."  James 1:12
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

I'm New to this whole Blogging thing :)

Well it seems that when you are a follower, unless you have a blog or gmail account and check your "dashboard", you are really not able to follow me without coming to my blog.  So I have now added the gadget to "follow by email".  So let's give that a shot and I'll cross my finger that it helps.  The email option will send an email with my new entries on the day that I update my blog.  Thanks for being patient with me!

Thanks for Reading

Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read my reflections as I journey through this journey of faith and growth.  I would love any comments or input about my insight.

Also I would absolutely love if you could become a follower of my blog... I will not lie it really brightens my day to know that there are people that appreciate my writing.

A Humble Heart

During the challenges of life I have been able to learn who I am with a much more humble heart. I have learned to push aside my ego for the sake of bringing glory to God. It was during these challenges that God revealed to me the passion of writing, speaking and ministering to others as they encounter their very own challenges. I thank God for every revelation about who I am and who I hope to become.


As a woman originally convinced that the challenges in my marriage were related to our differences, God has humbled me to the truth that I was overlooking so much in my husband. It has been through the challenges of my marriage that I have learned the most humbling experience of truly putting someone (other than my children) before me. As I continue to discover my weaknesses, I am enlightened to my husband's strengths. These are strengths that he may have even forgotten about.

If it were not for the wisdom & leading of God, I would have surrendered to the defeat within my marriage. But by God's grace I continue to learn to accept that the beauty of our marriage is within those differences. The strength in the unfamiliar is what challenges me to be the best wife and woman, without the expectation that my husband fulfill my happiness. It seems that it is in those moments that I question most where I must change, I receive the most clear answers.

If it were not for God's grace & wisdom, I would not have had my husband's silent strength by my side during the most difficult times of my life. If it were not for God's forgiveness on me for taking a gift for granted, I would not be the woman I am today.

Every relationship has challenges; whether friendship, family or children, but when we humble ourselves enough to accept that God has brought us together for a reason beyond our own happiness - we ourselves are blessed with a "peace that surpasses all understanding". We learn to patiently pray for peace and understanding, we grow in our faith, and most importantly we begin to remove the responsibility of another person to make us happy. We are then able to look at a person with the simple understanding that we are all God's children, everyone of us - and God has entrusted us with each other so that we may learn to be the example of Christ that we have been called to be.

“And so, dear brothers and sisters I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” Romans 12:1-3
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Being Bold......It's No Longer A Curse

As I reflect on the past month and a half full of challenges I rest in one truth, my God has been by my side day by day.  This has been a season that has challenged who I am, how faithful I truly am and how I survive day by day without worry.  At a time when my father & son have experienced major health challenges, I have learned how to wait on my Lord and find peace in Him..... I've experienced the beauty in all the pain. 

During a time when stress levels where high, I solely focused on the promises that God has given me.  I now know God never gives me more than I can handle, but amazingly I realized I can handle so much more with God's grace than I realized.  I would have never come to this realization without experiencing the intensity of these trials simultaneously. 

God desires that I rest in him, not worry, not try to figure out my next step or next week, but wait on Him and trust that He is working and arranging my life and my blessings even while chaos seems to be breaking out all around me.  When I rest in Him and trust in Him and not my own understanding, I'm not consumed by worry, therefore I am able to wait on Him with a grateful heart.  While it may seem that waiting without a plan is irresponsible, it leaves me energy, hope and the opportunity to be lead by God to an outcome greater than what I may have planned.

As I begin to recover from the emotional toll that brain surgery on my 8 year old son has had on our family, I now have the opportunity to reflect on the existence of God's power during our journey.  There continues to be revelation about seeds planted months ago or even years ago that have become blessings in the present.

It was 8 years ago that I began to truly understand the concept of surrender.  As my son was born 2 full months early and I was unable to see him for 2 days because of my own health issues, I knew all I could do was put my helpless baby into God's hands.  After a 4 day hospital stay there was no emotional energy to worry about the reality of my son's condition.  He began his life with a machine taking his first breaths for him.  While at the time it seemed as though this was such a traumatic experience, it truly was a blessing in so many ways.  I was able to see the beauty of others reaching out with concern, the strength and dependability of my parents visiting my son daily for a month and a half, my father's faith grew daily and my husband was able to be strengthened in his role as father - a silent strength was resurrected within him.  These are just a handful of the blessings, but the fact that my son's Hydrocephalus and Chiari Malformation were detected years before severe symptoms were able to begin, MRI testing was done purely for the fact that he was premature.

After 5 years of monitoring my son's conditions and surgeries for my son's Hydrocephalus, his Chiari Malformation began causing spinal fluid to seep into his spinal cord.  So at the age of 6, he had a partial Chiari Decompression surgery.  A week ago he had the remaining surgery which our surgeon had optimistically hoped would not be necessary. 

In all honesty, one blog entry cannot even begin to bring justice to the intensity of this past month and a half.  But one thing that can be said about this journey, I WAS BOLD.  I spoke truth over every situation.  Not my understanding of truth, but God's truth, even when others did not understand me or challenged who I truly am.  My conversations & revelations from God are not a luxury, but a necessity for survival, for peace.  I do not like the feelings of anxiety or fear, to me I feel that when I am controlled by those emotions I am not able to experience the full greatness of God's lessons.  I've learned that when my lesson has been learned, I'm allowed to move forward - I do not have to return to this same lesson over and over, God smiles upon me and says "Well done, you have accepted the peace I have offered." 

During this really tough season, that lead to the temptation of surrendering to depression, loneliness & stepping off the lighted path God has given me - I refused to conform to the world.  In a season that I was misunderstood and attempts were made to persuade me to change who I am or who I am becoming, I have learned with confidence to accept that I am exactly who God has called me to be.  I speak words of truth and hope.  I learn from everyone who has the courage to teach me without shame or embarrassment.  I take no blessing for granted.  I put no limits on my journey, no limits on my understanding as to who my God is.  When I was not receiving the spiritual insight and inspiration that I was seeking I refused to accept that I was to stop the search.  I WAS BOLD - I refused to conform to a human's understanding of what God has waiting for me or the lessons he is teaching me.

My boldness has been frequently misunderstood by many in my lifetime.  It felt as though it was a curse for many of my adult years.  But now, I accept it as an amazing blessing from God.  If it were not for my Boldness in faith, I would have allowed others define how I am to grow in my faith and how to live out my faith, I would have allowed this world to subtly put out the fire that lies within my heart to share God's love, power and healing on us all.  The Bilble says "lean not on your own understanding", so because I am Bold I am confident in making decisions that may not make sense to other because that is where God has lead me. I am able to Boldly proclaim that God speaks to me in his subtle and gentle ways so that I may be that example of faith that plants a seed into others when they are tempted to worry, feel defeated or deny God's power.  I have been able to Boldly accept these trials to allow others to see God in every instance of my life, this has not been by my own strength or understanding, but by the leading of God's gentle hand.

"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:16
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

I choose not to live life by fear but by truth and promises.  I do not have energy to worry since my body and mind are tired.  I must surrender to God’s leading since I am not wise enough or strong enough to make my own decisions.  I am a flawed human with a view of life based on my own experiences.  I cannot grow weary.  I cannot be worried.  I must stay in God’s presence or I will be blind to my blessings. 

© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

I'm Just a Circle in a Sea of Squares

One of my greatest challenges in life has been the feeling that I am different.  I have been a very analytical and thoughtful person as long as I can remember.  In my youth I would have to say this was mostly received as rebellion. As I reflect on my life I have had some influences of very unique personalities.  People that have challenged societal views in their own personal ways.  People who too have been a thorn in the side of the traditional, conventional perceptions of life.  But these influences have been the most animated, intellectual, uniquely humored and most appreciated people in my life.  These are the influences that have kept me balanced by keeping me off balanced, so that I may have an "off" button to my intensity.  These are the influences that have allowed me to accept being a "circle" and no longer needing to comfortably be a "rhombus (merely a slightly unusual square)".  These amazing people probably don't even realize how deeply they have impacted who I am - since it has only been recently that I myself have been able to truly appreciate who I am. As I explore a version of myself that has dreams greater than I ever imagined for myself or my family, I continue to accept who I am with more confidence and understanding.  Let me begin with my highschool best friend that shared nick names with me, used dictionaries to create amusing scripts for prank calls and danced our final dance before graduation in tears - she was the Semi to my Colon.  Then there is my Jaquelina, who enjoys the amazing gifts of laughing out loud and living life through a variety of lyrics and song - oh how her courage to live a life beyond the familiar keeps me on the edge of my seat.  With a knack for stating the most outrageous observations of life, yet so intelligent and compassionate with those she graciously accepts into her heart.  I dare not forget the Yen to my Yang who has loved me for me when everything within him said run for the hills.  As he has allowed me the honor to love him, I have learned about unconditional love in a way I never knew existed.  As we escape into our unusual world I am reminded how to remain connected to a geniune heart, regardless of how complex or confusing it may be at times. And last but not least my Mother.  A woman so unaware of the expectation of society to be embarrassed.  What courage it took to be who she was.  A gift that has been gratefully accepted through the blood that pulses through my veins daily.  She has given me the most courage to accept that I am a circle, to remove the boundaries of what society may expect of me.  The desire to sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching.  Her uniqueness has allowed me to be an open book to the world, without shame or embarrassment.  I am God's child.  I was created for His purpose.  I accept each of these influences into my heart and character as I move forward, open to an undefined future full of hope, creativity, gratitude and fearlessness.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

I'll bear my fruit of the Holy Spirit if you bear yours!

It is so interesting that many of us have thought, why would God put us together because our loved ones have personalities that hurt our feelings and think so different than we do. But we are basically answering our own question. Because God wants us to learn not to be so driven by emotions & "feelings" and to be different from who we are. If we truly believe that we are filled with the Holy Spirit - bearing the fruit of the spirit especially applies to us - not them but us. The fruit of the spirit is kindness, peace, joy, self-control, love, longsuffering, faithfulness, goodness & gentleness (Gal 5:22). The key is bearing the fruit, not having a subconscious attitude of "I'll bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit when you bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit." It is God's way of teaching us to be humble and "practice what we preach" to those we love. If they see these characteristics in us, they will eventually trust that it is who we truly are and they will be inspired - and I don't mean, today or tomorrow but when we have learned what we must learn. We are only able to justify our behavior in the human spirit, but we must hold each other accountable as we grow in our own Holiness. As we accept this truth, we are empowered to grow and in the process, our own happiness no longer becomes our priority. But our priority becomes to truly surrender who we are God - to shape us into who He created us to be - not who we thought we wanted to be. So my challenge today will be to examine our difficult relationships and ask that uncomofortable and unfair question, "Am I truly treating this person the way I wish I was treated." "Am I overlooking this persons imperfections in the same manner I wish my imperfections to be overlooked?" The most challenging situations are situations that only God has answers for. And as we search for resolve in the difficulties we must fully surrender that we don't have answers, but pray and listen to what God is teaching us in these situations. As I have dealt with situations of chaos, it is difficult to understand my contribution to the choas. But as I am in constant communication with God, I ask God what is it that he is teaching me that I am missing, because I do not like surrendering my joy to chaos. But each moment of challenge, I once again request the presence of the Holy Spirit to bear fruit within me, so that I may be at peace feeling God's presence within me maintaining hope for the next day.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

A Moment in Time

A person’s history can unfortunately create barriers to one’s heart. It is almost as though a person has two very distinct personalities. The first personality is reactive and responds with a self-preservation attitude. The second personality is the genuine & pure heart. Quite often the two personalities are polar opposites and challenging for those close to them. The constant misinterpretations of life continue to give validation to the need to self-protect and create barriers within relationships. The hardness, the uneasiness and the darkness become unbearable. Loneliness sets in their hearts and those that love them. Barrier after barrier, bitterness and frustration begin to define this person. God’s grace and compassion are all that can save a person from self-destruction. It is so ironic that what begins as self-preservation becomes self-destruction.

God makes no mistakes. God gives other strong willed and faithful people the opportunity to understand why God created them this way. But the miracle is in the growth of the strong-willed, faithful individual. God teaches and you learn. In a life that began with so much wisdom, knowledge and determination – you come to learn that you don’t know God as much as you thought. You learn that your life is not about your happiness or your dreams. Your strength and determination become necessary to fight to inspire the removal of barriers from hearts. Your strength becomes a shield of selflessness where your pain becomes less important than the pain of the one who hurts you because of their pain. Your determination becomes the determination to stay in faith, to hear God’s call on your life and to die to who you are with each breath you take.

It is not martyrdom, because each word and action must be prayed on and surrendered to. Each misspoken word and fearful reaction must seek forgiveness from God. You must become a vessel to God open to discomfort but a deep love for God knowing that He is the only healer. It is a hard journey in the human spirit, so you must gird your waist and fight a spiritual fight all in the name of God.

So why fight the fight…..because the one you love is worth it. God has blessed you with the compassion in your heart to love beyond the hardness and appreciate the pain that has shaped the one you love. You are able to know God in a way that you have never known Him before. You remember that “God will not take you where His grace will not protect you.” You finally begin to recognize God's face in your loved one. If you do not fight the faithful fight, who will?

And then there is a moment in time…. when everything stops…. a moment when your loved one removes a barrier and trusts you enough to be vulnerable…. to accept your love. They reunite with the desires God has placed in their heart that they protect so diligently. A moment when you are reminded that it is not the relationship you are fighting for, but the opportunity to be there on the day that your loved one realizes they are worthy of God’s love.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Validation Has Been Granted

I am so extremely happy. An essay of mine was accepted on the website below. Take a look. Thanks.

http://thisibelieve.org/essay/84106/

It's Not About Me.....Go Figure

I have decided to ponder some of the points in the "Purpose Driven Life" journal by Rick Warren. This was actually a purchase made to be given as a gift. As I opened the journal, the very first day stated the "Point to Ponder - It's not about me." To me that point seems obvious, we are here for God's purpose. But when I continued on to the reflection that life is not even about my peace of mind or happiness - well that definitely caught my attention on a deeper level. Although I go through each day understanding this, I think it's clear to say when it comes to those I love, it's a bit more difficult and confusing. How do I implement this? I do truly & genuinely try daily to treat my loved ones in this manner, however the rejection and unexplainable frustration with me causes me to struggle with this. I get overwhelmed, lonely, feel misunderstood & I have no idea how to respond to this. How do I love through this? How do I receive love through this? As a human it is so difficult to continue to put those that hurt me most before my struggle - so of course I eventually lose control, raise my voice or feel lost in my situation. I will even say I define my loved ones by the circumstances. I begin to plead with God to change the circumstances. I do continue praying for those I love and myself, but many times those prayers are driven by fear. What do I do? Where am I going wrong? How do I implement unconditional love? What is the best way to give glory to God during my darkness? Each answer I continue to receive reminds me it's not about me, but about loving with enthusiasm especially as there is darkness. In those moments of darkness, I must not fear my own rejection, pain or disrespect. I must allow a calm spirit in myself to allow God's greatness to shine through me. I must make every effort to treat those I love with the same perfect love that God treats me with. I must acknowledge in my mind and heart that the imperfections of others are not their heart's desire, they too want to joyfully wait. I am reminded that they must be taught with a patient heart from God. I will not be their teacher, but God through me. I must completely empty my mind and heart to allow God room to build up those I love. I must put aside all my fears of not being happy or a broken heart. Because God continues to remind me that my life can not be about my happiness, because then there is the danger that my life becomes about my fears of not achieving a happy life. I must allow myself to measure joy and peace through God's eyes. I must view those I love with the same compassion I would of lost strangers searching for a sincere heart and yearning for happiness in their lives - wanting to be reminded that they are worthy of existence. If I can joyfully wait, and allow those I love to see it within me - then I am one step closer to fulfilling my full purpose. I will live God's will in my life with a clean heart without judgment, anger, jealousy or paralyzing pain or fear. As I lose myself and abandon myself to God, I will not respond to those I love as though their action or words are responsible for my happiness.


Dear God, help me to die to myself, to stop resisting complete surrender out of fear that my life may be different from that which I am comfortable. Please guide me to see my loved ones through your loving and accepting eyes. Clear my mind daily so that I am able to clearly discern your voice in every situation.

"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV)
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Putting the "I" in DysfunctIon.......

No matter how much I try, I continue to put the "I" in DysfunctIon. Day in Day out, I say "God what are you wanting me to do?". I try and I try - to achieve happiness that is. Well finally it's hit me. My contribution to Dysfunction is the fear to surrender. The fear of the outcome. The fear of being pained. The thought in my mind continues "Trust God, not the human spirit." As I have continuously put the "I" in Dysfunction, I have continued to pray for guidance, grace and a positive outcome - however, I have failed to SURRENDER my troubles and fears. I've continue to play tug a war with God, in a game He doesn't even have to attempt at. He just steadily, effortlessly continues to hold the other end of my fear reminding me He's there ready- fear in His hand until I am ready to release my troubles to Him fully. Releasing any bit of control I have tried to maintain over my situation. Repeatedly and tiredly I've asked God, "What do you want me to do?"" How do you want me to handle this?"" What am I not getting that I need to learn?" Well I am finally beginning to understand His silence, I'm supposed to do nothing about my struggles. I'm supposed to redirect my joy and purpose as I wait and let Him solve my issues. I realize that my reactions are fear driven. If I sit silently will I be taken advantage of? If I offer love, will it mean that I've accepted less than I deserve? If I do not protect my heart, will it be pained beyond repair? As I was seeking God's wisdom I received a visual of different people that symbolized various stages of surrendering life. The first was a visual of a man with a bullet proof protector that NO human could possibly go beyond. The second was a man with a brick barrier, sturdy and hard but with enough will & determination you could eventually reach the human, maybe remove a brick layer every now and then. The third was a marshmallow exterior. Yes marshmallow, I don't know why but that's what God showed me. The interpretation of this person was that there was a sticky and messy exterior, in understanding that the person was messy and imperfect, but still including a sweet exterior, the human could be reached and appreciated. This person was pleasant, approachable but still some sort of protection barrier from others but with much more ease than the other humans. But then the final person was completely open without barriers, with God behind them -God's size and illuminating light was surrounding this person. Vulnerable in every way, but feeling safe with God's warmth & powerful protection behind him. An heir of confidence, peace and knowing that there needs to be no self created barrier from the world, but open to all that may come his way, without fear. So as I ponder who I am, I would say I am probably the marshmallow exterior. I'll admit, there are times I try to create a brick exterior, but then I feel God's leading and He doesn't allow me the determination to be that self-protective. I'm far from perfect, but if you are willing to accept my imperfections - I'm willing to accept & appreciate a genuine heart. So through this attempt to accept the imperfections of others, and trusting that God has created us as we are - I am able to gradually remove the I from the Dysfunction around me.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved