Validation Has Been Granted

I am so extremely happy. An essay of mine was accepted on the website below. Take a look. Thanks.

http://thisibelieve.org/essay/84106/

It's Not About Me.....Go Figure

I have decided to ponder some of the points in the "Purpose Driven Life" journal by Rick Warren. This was actually a purchase made to be given as a gift. As I opened the journal, the very first day stated the "Point to Ponder - It's not about me." To me that point seems obvious, we are here for God's purpose. But when I continued on to the reflection that life is not even about my peace of mind or happiness - well that definitely caught my attention on a deeper level. Although I go through each day understanding this, I think it's clear to say when it comes to those I love, it's a bit more difficult and confusing. How do I implement this? I do truly & genuinely try daily to treat my loved ones in this manner, however the rejection and unexplainable frustration with me causes me to struggle with this. I get overwhelmed, lonely, feel misunderstood & I have no idea how to respond to this. How do I love through this? How do I receive love through this? As a human it is so difficult to continue to put those that hurt me most before my struggle - so of course I eventually lose control, raise my voice or feel lost in my situation. I will even say I define my loved ones by the circumstances. I begin to plead with God to change the circumstances. I do continue praying for those I love and myself, but many times those prayers are driven by fear. What do I do? Where am I going wrong? How do I implement unconditional love? What is the best way to give glory to God during my darkness? Each answer I continue to receive reminds me it's not about me, but about loving with enthusiasm especially as there is darkness. In those moments of darkness, I must not fear my own rejection, pain or disrespect. I must allow a calm spirit in myself to allow God's greatness to shine through me. I must make every effort to treat those I love with the same perfect love that God treats me with. I must acknowledge in my mind and heart that the imperfections of others are not their heart's desire, they too want to joyfully wait. I am reminded that they must be taught with a patient heart from God. I will not be their teacher, but God through me. I must completely empty my mind and heart to allow God room to build up those I love. I must put aside all my fears of not being happy or a broken heart. Because God continues to remind me that my life can not be about my happiness, because then there is the danger that my life becomes about my fears of not achieving a happy life. I must allow myself to measure joy and peace through God's eyes. I must view those I love with the same compassion I would of lost strangers searching for a sincere heart and yearning for happiness in their lives - wanting to be reminded that they are worthy of existence. If I can joyfully wait, and allow those I love to see it within me - then I am one step closer to fulfilling my full purpose. I will live God's will in my life with a clean heart without judgment, anger, jealousy or paralyzing pain or fear. As I lose myself and abandon myself to God, I will not respond to those I love as though their action or words are responsible for my happiness.


Dear God, help me to die to myself, to stop resisting complete surrender out of fear that my life may be different from that which I am comfortable. Please guide me to see my loved ones through your loving and accepting eyes. Clear my mind daily so that I am able to clearly discern your voice in every situation.

"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV)
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Putting the "I" in DysfunctIon.......

No matter how much I try, I continue to put the "I" in DysfunctIon. Day in Day out, I say "God what are you wanting me to do?". I try and I try - to achieve happiness that is. Well finally it's hit me. My contribution to Dysfunction is the fear to surrender. The fear of the outcome. The fear of being pained. The thought in my mind continues "Trust God, not the human spirit." As I have continuously put the "I" in Dysfunction, I have continued to pray for guidance, grace and a positive outcome - however, I have failed to SURRENDER my troubles and fears. I've continue to play tug a war with God, in a game He doesn't even have to attempt at. He just steadily, effortlessly continues to hold the other end of my fear reminding me He's there ready- fear in His hand until I am ready to release my troubles to Him fully. Releasing any bit of control I have tried to maintain over my situation. Repeatedly and tiredly I've asked God, "What do you want me to do?"" How do you want me to handle this?"" What am I not getting that I need to learn?" Well I am finally beginning to understand His silence, I'm supposed to do nothing about my struggles. I'm supposed to redirect my joy and purpose as I wait and let Him solve my issues. I realize that my reactions are fear driven. If I sit silently will I be taken advantage of? If I offer love, will it mean that I've accepted less than I deserve? If I do not protect my heart, will it be pained beyond repair? As I was seeking God's wisdom I received a visual of different people that symbolized various stages of surrendering life. The first was a visual of a man with a bullet proof protector that NO human could possibly go beyond. The second was a man with a brick barrier, sturdy and hard but with enough will & determination you could eventually reach the human, maybe remove a brick layer every now and then. The third was a marshmallow exterior. Yes marshmallow, I don't know why but that's what God showed me. The interpretation of this person was that there was a sticky and messy exterior, in understanding that the person was messy and imperfect, but still including a sweet exterior, the human could be reached and appreciated. This person was pleasant, approachable but still some sort of protection barrier from others but with much more ease than the other humans. But then the final person was completely open without barriers, with God behind them -God's size and illuminating light was surrounding this person. Vulnerable in every way, but feeling safe with God's warmth & powerful protection behind him. An heir of confidence, peace and knowing that there needs to be no self created barrier from the world, but open to all that may come his way, without fear. So as I ponder who I am, I would say I am probably the marshmallow exterior. I'll admit, there are times I try to create a brick exterior, but then I feel God's leading and He doesn't allow me the determination to be that self-protective. I'm far from perfect, but if you are willing to accept my imperfections - I'm willing to accept & appreciate a genuine heart. So through this attempt to accept the imperfections of others, and trusting that God has created us as we are - I am able to gradually remove the I from the Dysfunction around me.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved