A Moment in Time

A person’s history can unfortunately create barriers to one’s heart. It is almost as though a person has two very distinct personalities. The first personality is reactive and responds with a self-preservation attitude. The second personality is the genuine & pure heart. Quite often the two personalities are polar opposites and challenging for those close to them. The constant misinterpretations of life continue to give validation to the need to self-protect and create barriers within relationships. The hardness, the uneasiness and the darkness become unbearable. Loneliness sets in their hearts and those that love them. Barrier after barrier, bitterness and frustration begin to define this person. God’s grace and compassion are all that can save a person from self-destruction. It is so ironic that what begins as self-preservation becomes self-destruction.

God makes no mistakes. God gives other strong willed and faithful people the opportunity to understand why God created them this way. But the miracle is in the growth of the strong-willed, faithful individual. God teaches and you learn. In a life that began with so much wisdom, knowledge and determination – you come to learn that you don’t know God as much as you thought. You learn that your life is not about your happiness or your dreams. Your strength and determination become necessary to fight to inspire the removal of barriers from hearts. Your strength becomes a shield of selflessness where your pain becomes less important than the pain of the one who hurts you because of their pain. Your determination becomes the determination to stay in faith, to hear God’s call on your life and to die to who you are with each breath you take.

It is not martyrdom, because each word and action must be prayed on and surrendered to. Each misspoken word and fearful reaction must seek forgiveness from God. You must become a vessel to God open to discomfort but a deep love for God knowing that He is the only healer. It is a hard journey in the human spirit, so you must gird your waist and fight a spiritual fight all in the name of God.

So why fight the fight…..because the one you love is worth it. God has blessed you with the compassion in your heart to love beyond the hardness and appreciate the pain that has shaped the one you love. You are able to know God in a way that you have never known Him before. You remember that “God will not take you where His grace will not protect you.” You finally begin to recognize God's face in your loved one. If you do not fight the faithful fight, who will?

And then there is a moment in time…. when everything stops…. a moment when your loved one removes a barrier and trusts you enough to be vulnerable…. to accept your love. They reunite with the desires God has placed in their heart that they protect so diligently. A moment when you are reminded that it is not the relationship you are fighting for, but the opportunity to be there on the day that your loved one realizes they are worthy of God’s love.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Validation Has Been Granted

I am so extremely happy. An essay of mine was accepted on the website below. Take a look. Thanks.

http://thisibelieve.org/essay/84106/

It's Not About Me.....Go Figure

I have decided to ponder some of the points in the "Purpose Driven Life" journal by Rick Warren. This was actually a purchase made to be given as a gift. As I opened the journal, the very first day stated the "Point to Ponder - It's not about me." To me that point seems obvious, we are here for God's purpose. But when I continued on to the reflection that life is not even about my peace of mind or happiness - well that definitely caught my attention on a deeper level. Although I go through each day understanding this, I think it's clear to say when it comes to those I love, it's a bit more difficult and confusing. How do I implement this? I do truly & genuinely try daily to treat my loved ones in this manner, however the rejection and unexplainable frustration with me causes me to struggle with this. I get overwhelmed, lonely, feel misunderstood & I have no idea how to respond to this. How do I love through this? How do I receive love through this? As a human it is so difficult to continue to put those that hurt me most before my struggle - so of course I eventually lose control, raise my voice or feel lost in my situation. I will even say I define my loved ones by the circumstances. I begin to plead with God to change the circumstances. I do continue praying for those I love and myself, but many times those prayers are driven by fear. What do I do? Where am I going wrong? How do I implement unconditional love? What is the best way to give glory to God during my darkness? Each answer I continue to receive reminds me it's not about me, but about loving with enthusiasm especially as there is darkness. In those moments of darkness, I must not fear my own rejection, pain or disrespect. I must allow a calm spirit in myself to allow God's greatness to shine through me. I must make every effort to treat those I love with the same perfect love that God treats me with. I must acknowledge in my mind and heart that the imperfections of others are not their heart's desire, they too want to joyfully wait. I am reminded that they must be taught with a patient heart from God. I will not be their teacher, but God through me. I must completely empty my mind and heart to allow God room to build up those I love. I must put aside all my fears of not being happy or a broken heart. Because God continues to remind me that my life can not be about my happiness, because then there is the danger that my life becomes about my fears of not achieving a happy life. I must allow myself to measure joy and peace through God's eyes. I must view those I love with the same compassion I would of lost strangers searching for a sincere heart and yearning for happiness in their lives - wanting to be reminded that they are worthy of existence. If I can joyfully wait, and allow those I love to see it within me - then I am one step closer to fulfilling my full purpose. I will live God's will in my life with a clean heart without judgment, anger, jealousy or paralyzing pain or fear. As I lose myself and abandon myself to God, I will not respond to those I love as though their action or words are responsible for my happiness.


Dear God, help me to die to myself, to stop resisting complete surrender out of fear that my life may be different from that which I am comfortable. Please guide me to see my loved ones through your loving and accepting eyes. Clear my mind daily so that I am able to clearly discern your voice in every situation.

"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3 NIV)
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Putting the "I" in DysfunctIon.......

No matter how much I try, I continue to put the "I" in DysfunctIon. Day in Day out, I say "God what are you wanting me to do?". I try and I try - to achieve happiness that is. Well finally it's hit me. My contribution to Dysfunction is the fear to surrender. The fear of the outcome. The fear of being pained. The thought in my mind continues "Trust God, not the human spirit." As I have continuously put the "I" in Dysfunction, I have continued to pray for guidance, grace and a positive outcome - however, I have failed to SURRENDER my troubles and fears. I've continue to play tug a war with God, in a game He doesn't even have to attempt at. He just steadily, effortlessly continues to hold the other end of my fear reminding me He's there ready- fear in His hand until I am ready to release my troubles to Him fully. Releasing any bit of control I have tried to maintain over my situation. Repeatedly and tiredly I've asked God, "What do you want me to do?"" How do you want me to handle this?"" What am I not getting that I need to learn?" Well I am finally beginning to understand His silence, I'm supposed to do nothing about my struggles. I'm supposed to redirect my joy and purpose as I wait and let Him solve my issues. I realize that my reactions are fear driven. If I sit silently will I be taken advantage of? If I offer love, will it mean that I've accepted less than I deserve? If I do not protect my heart, will it be pained beyond repair? As I was seeking God's wisdom I received a visual of different people that symbolized various stages of surrendering life. The first was a visual of a man with a bullet proof protector that NO human could possibly go beyond. The second was a man with a brick barrier, sturdy and hard but with enough will & determination you could eventually reach the human, maybe remove a brick layer every now and then. The third was a marshmallow exterior. Yes marshmallow, I don't know why but that's what God showed me. The interpretation of this person was that there was a sticky and messy exterior, in understanding that the person was messy and imperfect, but still including a sweet exterior, the human could be reached and appreciated. This person was pleasant, approachable but still some sort of protection barrier from others but with much more ease than the other humans. But then the final person was completely open without barriers, with God behind them -God's size and illuminating light was surrounding this person. Vulnerable in every way, but feeling safe with God's warmth & powerful protection behind him. An heir of confidence, peace and knowing that there needs to be no self created barrier from the world, but open to all that may come his way, without fear. So as I ponder who I am, I would say I am probably the marshmallow exterior. I'll admit, there are times I try to create a brick exterior, but then I feel God's leading and He doesn't allow me the determination to be that self-protective. I'm far from perfect, but if you are willing to accept my imperfections - I'm willing to accept & appreciate a genuine heart. So through this attempt to accept the imperfections of others, and trusting that God has created us as we are - I am able to gradually remove the I from the Dysfunction around me.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Stay Gold Pony Boy!

"When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home. I was wishing I looked like Paul Newman --he looks tough and I don't--but I guess my own looks aren't so bad. " Any fellow fan of The Outsiders will recognize those words clearly and they bring a smile to your face. It was only as I was determining my topic for the day that I was able to really appreciate those first words from Pony Boy's mouth. As Pony Boy spoke of his admiration for Paul Newman it made clear that there was a longing in his heart to be different than who he currently was. Everyone has a story in life, and that story shapes who we become and our perception and relation to life. I've always felt that I was different from those around me, at times I've wished I was just like everyone else - that way life would be less complex for me. As I have experienced life, struggled, grown and been strengthened; I've learned more about who I am and who I am growing into. I've recognized and admired traits in others through out life or in their passing. Sometimes you don't appreciate a trait until it is only a memory, a longing for it to return. In reflection as to who my mother was, I have learned who I am. I have learned that she lives in me and through me. Her love for life, her desire to live life like no one is watching, her lack of intimidation in social situations. Every moment that I struggle with discomfort in my growth, I reflect on the traits in others that I have admired in life. I have come to a deeper understanding that if these are traits I admire, than these are attainable within myself. If I value these traits, then there is potential within me to reflect those traits myself. But it all requires the determination to venture into the land of discomfort. Challenge yourself to learn how to relate to the desire you have in your heart to become that trait that you admire. A poem is referenced in The Outsiders by Robert Frost. They are a deep reflection of a yearning to be more in life, to prevent life's challenges from defining life. A desire to remain pure in mind and spirit.

Nothing Gold Can StayBy Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
Dawn goes down by day.
Nothing gold can stay.

I researched the meaning of this poem and it says "It could be argued that youth and beauty are corrupted by the passage of time, as the first bloom of a tree in spring is soon lost to the growth of maturing leaves." So yes life's experiences begin golden and full of hope, but as life's obstacles challenge us and break us it can alter who we become. It can darken our perception of life and turn to grief. But it is within our ability, to reflect on the golden season of our life. To return to a pure and golden heart. So as Johnny said to Pony..... Stay Gold!

You have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Peter 1:6-7
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

The Other Four Letter Word (Poem)

The Other Four Letter Word
Kit Valdez

Fear
It keeps you from living
It keeps you from loving
It keeps you from peace
It keeps you from Growing

Faith
You’re strengthened to move forward
You’re comforted in pain
You’re introduced to joy

Faith is like air
Faith sees natural beauty
Faith loves and allows love
Faith appreciates differences
Faith speaks of God’s love

Fear takes the breath from me
Fear judges
Fear hurts
Fear controls
Fear constrains

Fear opposes Faith

© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

The Beauty of a Lifeless Rose Bush

I rember so clearly almost 4 yrs. ago, my Mom looked at me when she visited my new home and saw a dead rose bush in my backyard. As she looked out my patio door she told me, "Don't cut down that rose bush even though it's dead." About 8 months later she unexpectantly passed away from liver disease. Needless to say, my husband and I decided to never remove the eye sore of the lifeless rose bush. I was so excited last spring when some roses for the first time since we lived there, bloomed. It was a wonderful reminder of my mother's words. This spring was an even greater sight to see. Keep in mind, we have never watered or pruned or whatever is required to make roses blossom. As I was texting a picture to my family of the beautiful gift sent from my mother, I realized how symbolic the life of such beauty was born without my efforts - how something once dead had been revived into something beautiful I never knew could exist. There have been challenges in my adult life, there has been confusion and fear, but it has been in my darkness that I have discovered a greater understanding of God's light. To love unconditionally is a challenge in itself. To understand unconditional love is freightening. It has been in my darkest moments that I have been able to understand the need to just trust God. As I stumbled around for months at a time, overwhelmed and lonely, I was determined that once my circumstances changed all would be well. Don't get me wrong, I was always full of hope and confidence that in due time, my family would be stronger, faithful and confident. What I didn't realize is that I was not joyfully waiting. Going back to the analogy of the lifeless rose bush - it was as though I was excited about the future outcome that one day beautiful roses would bloom - but the lifeless bush continued to be an eye sore - full of thorns that could pierce me with pain as I maintained our yard. But whenever I would look at the bush recalling the beautiful words of hope from my mother saying, "Don't cut that bush even though it's dead" that bush would bring a smile to my face and I didn't want to even try to part with it's beauty. So in the same way, I was able to associate the beauty of my mother's words with this once lifeless bush - I am now able to accept the challenges of my family life. I must trust that God will protect my heart and my family each day. God is the one that prunes and nourishes our family. There is beauty in each of my family members that I must focus on and just simply enjoy, there is no work for me to do, just enjoy who they are and why I am better for knowing them.

I trust in God at all times. I pour out my heart before him; God is a refuge for me.
Psalm62:8

My challenge for today will be to explore an area that causes great stress. Meditate on this area and speak the words Trust, Surrender, Believe, Receive. I learned this from a church retreat and now understand it's power. Speak the words in meditation I trust that God will offer me guidance. I surrender my struggle. I believe that God will offer me peace in my struggle. I receive the peace, joy and love that God is offering me. Dear Lord Jesus, I thank You for allowing me to seek Your wisdom in my confusion. Please clear my mind so that I am able to hear Your voice and instruction in my daily life. Thank you for the breath that I breathe and for having another day to become the person you have created me to be. Amen.
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Believe (Poem)

Believe
Kit Valdez
Believe that there is happiness
Believe that there is joy
Believe that there is purpose
Believe that there is more

Believe that you are worthy
Believe that you are loved
Believe that there is hope
Believe signs sent from above

Believe that pain’s not wasted
Believe that you are strengthened
Believe the struggle will end soon
Believe patience will be lengthened

Believe that through Believing
All things will be Possible
Peace will be with you always
And Joy will never end


“All Things are Possible through Christ who Strengthens Me” (Phil 4:13)
© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved

Is Anybody out There?

I've officially decided to take my passions public. Whether or not anyone's interested in my perceptions is a different story. I've always had so much to say but not quite sure who really wants to hear what I have to say. I never want to force my opinions or perceptions on anyone but I tend to get very passionate. I am very conscious of what I share with people since I present myself as a Christian woman on an amazing journey learning more and more about God in my life during my challenges. I have a passion for learning from God how to demonstrate His love through me to others. I have observed many passionate Christians in life that have not been great representations of what God represents - I've struggled to accept their spiritual guidance since they do not represent the qualities that I associate God with. I associate God's leading with “..the fruit of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22) I have seen the reactions of fear, anger, meanness and judgement define who they are. I have seen the pain and confusion they have placed on others that it itself requires healing. My heart's desire is to lead others to God's love and power through my own example. I want to have God's light shine through me. I want to be honest with my struggles and imperfections, yet I want to demonstrate how God continues to teach me about who I am and who I want to become - and even more so, allowing me to understand that I may be lead to a life that I never knew possible for me. I don't ever want to limit my blessings because they are beyond anything I ever anticipated.



One thing I am rather consistant with is challenging others to be open to growth. The moment we think we have accomplished all we have been called to in this life, we begin to block our blessings and limit who we are. I think it is important to challenge ourselves daily so I have decided to attach a challenge with each blog and a bible verse to support my challenge.

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ
.....(Phil1:27)

My challenge for today is to reflect on the lives we are living. Do your actions bring glory to God during personal struggle. Do you rest your head with a clear conscious knowing that everyone you love feels your love? Have your interactions with people in your world at the grocery store, work or while you are driving been with self-control and patience? Whatever it is you discover about your actions, take a brief moment to stop and ask God for guidance in whatever areas you struggle. Dear Lord, help me to be a positive representation of your love to the world. Give me a calm spirit so that I am to inspire others to accept you into their hearts through my actions.