Leaning Not on My Own Understanding

As I share with others my journey of faith, it is purely to be a person that is able to relay the impact that God has had on my life - who I am and who I grow into. Each step of this journey following brain surgery for my son with the complication of Chemical Meningitis, brings more clarity to me as I seek it. I have never turned to the Bible more, reflected, meditated, prayed and wished to learn how to prevent my own actions from hindering the healing of my family. At the most difficult time of my life I have learned from the Lord how to trust Him with more confidence. With each moment that my trust grows to trust the Lord, I continue to see the physical healing of my son. Each day brings new revelation to me about how to change for the benefit of my family. That change must be of absolute trust in the Lord, beyond my own understanding (Prov 3:5). I accept my need to change more with each passing day, while the world around me appreciates my strength & faith, God has loved me through each painful moment and taught me how to forget about my own idea of what a mother and wife are to be. A mother's desire is to protect and love with compassion, so anything less than a gentle tone or touch is difficult to for a mother's heart during such a tremendous ordeal. Seeing your child in horrible pain is pure torment, so you try to prevent that pain in every way possible. But
that is why God surrounds us with what we need even when it breaks our hearts. God has blessed my son with a mother and father that bring uncomfortable balance into his life (yes I said uncomfortable balance - because in discomfort is where we grow-more on that on another entry). This is finally a time in my life that I have truly been able to appreciate the value of a person knowing what needs to get done and doing it without the breaking heart that I tend to have. And with this balance, my son has successfully completed one full week of daycare and celebrated his 9th birthday.

With each leap of faith on my part, my son's physical healing continues to be restored with strength. With each confession of my own sin, I personally grow stronger with more confidence in all that God has
planned for my family. Because I have accepted this journey, I have clearly understood this is a calling from God - a very special calling - I have been so blessed by God's wisdom & peace. The Bible says that
trials test the genuiness of one's faith (1 Peter 1:7), so I feel a great sense of accomplishment with each lesson I learn - and I live with more clarity each day. I can never relay an update about my son's health without my testimony of God's grace and wisdom, since the two are so tightly intertwined. God will answer our prayers, but we must be willing to find our comfort in Him and not try to rush the process. We must be willing to accept our wrongness with our human spirit even we are very justified in our actions or feelings. As I accept that I do not want to limit myself to what is humanly acceptable and expected, my journey becomes so much more peaceful, hopeful and joyful. I want to do what God desires for me rather than rely on my own understanding, because truly God's way is easier. If He says wait, then wait. If He says be still, then don't run to someone for comfort - sit in silence - do what He says - be still and don't try to figure out the next step. If He takes everyone away from you that normally comforts you - turn to Him and only Him - He'll let you know who you need to speak to that will help in your growth of faith and trust in Him. When He said my son was healed - then it was done - it was my responsibility to believe it with every breath I took - even when my son had a really bad headache, felt dizzy or fell to the ground almost hitting his head as he tried to shoot
 a basketball. It was my responsibility to confidently proclaim that he was healed. And so he continues each day returning to the normal life of a 9 year old. His sadness that he may be in the hospital on his birthday has successfully transformed my baby's concern to should I get chocolate or vanilla cupcakes for my friends at daycare. All by the loving grace of God. Jesus said "...Don't be afraid; just believe, and she(he) will be healed." Luke 8:50 So as the father in Mark 9:24 asked, “I do believe, but help my unbelief!” God has helped me also, for the sake of my son and my family.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)


"The Lord is my Strength and my (impenetrable) Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him!" (Psalm 28:7)

© 2011 by Christina Valdez. All rights reserved